I understand the impulse not to speak ill of the dead. It sounds nice. We don’t speak ill of the dead is one of those annoying platitudes that make any objection to it feel inherently immoral, and even worse–juvenile. 

The same way we never actually call a newborn baby ugly, of course everyone’s baby is adorable. We’ve decided these are necessary bits of nonsense we just all go along with so as to not tug at the delicate strings of civilized society. Are we ever allowed to be outwardly glad that someone died? There aren’t many–if any—examples of a public figure’s passing being met with widespread approval. Excluding of course those individuals we all despise—terrorists, mass shooters, other violent criminals, etc. We can all agree on this distinction.¹

There was even moral condemnation from on high after the death of Rush Limbaugh. If Rush Limbaugh’s death wasn’t a tipping point², this platitude may be more of a Social Law. An unwritten law that governs civilized society.  Maybe we’re repressing this urge the way we repress other instinctual and often regrettable urges. So much of society is built on implied consent, and this is clearly out of bounds for a lot of people.

We need to lighten up. 

But even that will be offensive to some. The audacity of me telling anyone to lighten up will throw up red flags for many. I’d like to make a distinction. While it may be tacky to immediately rip into someone after they die—I freely admit this might be true— shouldn’t we also roll our eyes when we’re instantly inundated with overly-wrought and completely phony memorials that are of course meaningless. We’re forced to participate in this ceremonial genuflection, and we’re immediately overrun with the vapid and knee-jerk rest in peace, or the more common rest in power³ We have to start calling bullshit on this, that’s the only way it gets better.

The distinction I want to make is simple.

 Please do not mistake my lack of pomp and solemnity for any malice towards the loved ones of the freshly deceased. I don’t want them to suffer. I’m not happy they are experiencing loss, and I derive no joy from anyone’s grief. 

Now that that is understood, here are some of the more memorable tweets I’ve seen since the queen has died.

These all appeared on my timeline because of an algorithm. I don’t follow any of them. They are all verified twitter accounts, meaning these are professional tweeters⁴ and celebrities, a.k.a. people who matter.

@kanye tweeted LIFE IS PRECIOUS 

RELEASING ALL GRUDGES TODAY

LEANING INTO THE LIGHT

@pelaton tweeted As a mark of respect, all live classes out of Peloton Studios London will be cancelled for the remainder of the day until Monday 12 Sept. For on-demand classes, please check our library. Live and on-demand classes from Peloton Studios New York are unaffected.

@krispykreme jumped into the fray tweeting, On behalf of everyone at Krispy Kreme, we send our sincere and heartfelt condolences to the Royal Family

@helen: i hate to break it to anyone who thinks the jokes are tasteless but people have been joking about monarchs dying for like 5000 years

@jemelehill partially summed up yesterday tweeting, Black Twitter is absolutely Black Twittering right now

The comments on that tweet were either funny or incredibly sanctimonious. 

Apparently Irish and Indian twitter had a field day yesterday too.

I saw a video clip from a soccer match somewhere in Ireland where the crowd can clearly be heard singing and replacing whatever the lyrics were with the improvised Lizzy’s in a box.

Many people learned some Irish history yesterday.

And finally, my favorite tweet,

@Heinz tweeted, Everyone at Heinz is deeply saddened by the passing of Queen Elisabeth II and offer our sincerest condolences to the Royal Family at this time

That’s right, even Heinz ketchup felt the need to genuflect. 

1. Without objection.
2. This is not a Malcolm Gladwell endorsement.
3. This is on the mount rushmore of terrible internet phrases. Another one is being here for something. That’s another list for another day.
4. It’s a real thing